Monday, July 10, 2017

My How Things Have Changed

It is 2017 and I will admit to understanding pretty much nothing.

After a ripping day at Stevens Pass Bike Park,* I left the Moj unlocked. Ferrying gear back up to my apartment, pretty burnt from lap after lap after unbelievable lap of aggressive mountain bike assault, I guess I spaced hitting the lock button. 

I got got. Streets is definitely hard in Madison Park.

A couple weeks have passed and I've compiled a comprehensive list of what's missing:

1: Spare sunglasses from the glove box. Smith. They were a little on the J-Lo side of things, blue frames and really tryhard, made me look like Mr. Worldwide. Got them free, so I'm cool with it.

B: A box containing a couple dozen Diamondback Bicycles discount cards, kept in the center console. I'd hand them out to anyone I saw riding a DB in traffic or whatever. I could probably get more, but everyone knows that these weren't usually even the best deal, so fuck it. 

III: Nothing else. Nothing. Not my sponge-wheeled cruiser board, not my airhorn, not my BB gun. Nothing!

Dummy. I'd say "dummies," but it's v.obvi that if there were more than one thieving bastard involved, one of them would've convinced the other(s) that they should'nt've left my CASE LOGIC CD case sitting on the passenger seat. Talking CASE ILLOGICAL, bro. 

I'm from a time where the CASE LOGIC CD holder was in your Top Ten Possessions. Even a CASE LOGIC cassette holder was important. Not in 2017. Let's breakitdownrealkwik of what these vools missed, bearing in mind that I've only ever had about 30 CD's and they're from a certain non-record-buying era: 

Dstyles and DJ Flare: Pharaohs of Funk. 
The skratch tape that killed skratching. For me and for everyone else. As soon as this came out, it was obvious that D was the mainest man forever, and this is how you'd want to cut. It's Gonz in Video Days. No question. No point in continuing. Toadman on the intro. 

Michael Jackson: Thriller Demos
Holy shit, forgot about this. The song "Thriller" never made sense to me, and hearing this explained why. They came up with the whole horror movie angle after the fact. The song started as "Starlight," some space disco shit. Off The Wall is better than Thriller, but these rougher demos are so cool. 

Unlabeled: Lil Wayne, Phirpo, Mango
This is hott. Lil Wayne freestyles and some latin stuff I must've stolen off a music blog.

Baker vol.2:
Looks like this was made for a drive east on 542. Break Fest vol.1, a Beastie Boys-themed sample mix, Prince Paul's Confessions of a Beat Junkie, and Soulman's The Truth is Forever. Gimme a break this rules.

Gravediggaz: Six Feet Deep
Comeonbrosrsly. Classique.

Monoxide Records: UK Representing Mixtape
I believe this is a WEAK_SAUCE creation. First place I heard Blak Twang's "Red Lettaz." Perfect!

Oh my word. So sick! This has a great rock mix on it. Bam.

Five blank CD's from J-E: 
So these will be weird drum'n'bass. We don't need to put these in just yet.

MURS: F'Real 
I bet I could handle listening to this in the oh seventeen. For a bit.

DJ Giant: homemade paper label
A weird kid from Texas or New Mexico or somewhere, from early message board days. Creepy vocal sample-based skratch tape kinda album. I wonder if this guy is still cutting with alia_S on PalTalk. 

Mr Dibbs: Turntable Scientifics
Mr Rubber Nipples or whatever. I love everything this weirdo ever made. Rad.

Waxfactor: Remixtape
More cool shit from messageboarders.

Devin the Dude: Just Tryin' Ta Live
Probably the last rapping CD I bought. This dude rules.

Monoxide: Back to the Basics
A fucking golden era rap mix by the greatest eNets man of all, WEAK_SAUCE. The guy has jokes and knowledges. Do you know he's someone's dad now? Insane. Love ya man!

Can: Unlimited Edition
I have zero Can records, they're always too expensive. Obviously this rules.

Wu-Tang Clan: Enter the Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers
Another one I can listen to in my head, but I suppose there could be a situation in which I put it on for a sing-along. If this did get stolen, I'd probably repurchase it on principle.  

Outkast: Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik
Never actually seen a legit copy on wax, and you kinda should must need to have this no matter who you are. It's like 90 minutes long, full of amazing songs you forgot. This may be my favorite rap album. I can only listen to the really good stuff or the really bad stuff these days. This is a good one. 

N.E.R.D.: In Search Of
Holy shit! I will listen to this next time I drive. This was great.

Unlabeled CD:
Yes! Lookie here, this has four Blak Twang albums and the Cenubites EP I ripped from my record. This is going on the iPod immediately.

Can: Ege Bamyasi
Again, I don't have this record. And you are required to have this. So boom.

Ol Dirty Bastard: Return to the 36 Chambers
My copy of this record smells like cigarettes. Actually listened to this front to back a couple months ago. It's better than ever. This may be my favorite rap album. 

Misfits: The Comp with the Scary Skull on It
This is always good for a laugh. Do you think Glen Danzig can even go to the grocery store without being mercilessly clowned by pretty much everyone? Fuckin Danzig, dude. What the fuck.


That about covers it. There's another half-dozen or so but I don't feel like putting them into this shitty computer's shitty DVD drive to check what they are. Not today, at least. Be happy you got this much from your favorite blogger: a partial list of CD's that weren't stolen from my car.


*describing a day at Stevens as "ripping?"--told you 2017 is weird.