Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Pants Off Dance Off

I wanted to go straight Haminal on Dr. C when he grabbed his bag out of Emoji Car, inspected its contents, and announced (in his trademark laconic style): "fock dude. I forgot my pants. And my transceiver's in them."

I don't really know how to rage with any confidence, and I'd live-grammed leaving my boots at Skull Mountain only four days earlier, so I just kinda blanked out. Shaky ground for a freakout attempt.

We got skunked at lost'n'found and felt actual physical pain looking at overpriced Burton pants in the ski shop. My suggestion to just throw my sweatpants over dude's jeans was met with a stare.*  

Then it hit me:

The Snoqualmie Pass Chevron struggles on Yelp. Sounds like the restrooms are bad. I believe it, but what kind of person reviews a gas station restroom on Yelp? That's psychotic behavior, right?

The shitter may be gang diarrhea level seven, but they sell everything in there. They got snax and diabetes drinks. They got tire chains and corndogs. Sure. But they also have clothes: booty pants ballcaps sweatshirts bandanas sunglasses snow pants SNOW PANTS--this motherfucker came up on some sick pants at a gas station! 40 bucks. Cargo pockets and everything. You KNOW A-Man's got a spare beeper, so the plan was back on, with only a short delay. Hashtag let's roast it. Chevron for life.

Our skin track was in from the day before, so we powered up and easily ripped off a couple in Drone Zone, hit Matty's Run and be'd out in time to beat traffic back to the city. Dr C did a 40mph roost that set my gram on fire:

A video posted by 🅰 (@comeonsrslytho) on

Boom. Sick day. Sick zone. Sick pants.

The capper came a week later, when Dr. C tried to return the pants. Dude brought a receipt and a dream up to the counter:

Comeonbrosrsly. For real.

This is a gas station. The fuck you thinking? They're not doing returns. And those pants are sick! Magic pants! You keep those forever!


*it was pretty windy and cold. Like single digits cold. Dude would've probably froze his legs off and been Lieutenant Dan for real if he would've followed my cottony advice. 


  1. Returning used snow pants to a gas station? Everything is Nordstrom to you MFers isn't it.

    Side note: seems like chevron's got a pretty good price on fat lip though. Should probably yelp that.